A Hip Fracture...Dave Letterman Style

When I was in high school and college there were a handful of people who thought I looked like Dave Letterman.  There is still one guy to this day that if I saw him he would probably call me Dave.  Back then I had all my curly hair and the gap tooth.  Today I have much less hair and the gap tooth.  If I had to lose one, it wouldn't have been the hair. 

Therefore, I thought what better way to summarize my hip fracture than with a few Top 10 Lists.  I hope they give some insight into me, and others can find solace that they aren't alone in their recovery.

Here goes in no particular order:

Comical Moments

1. My boys using the crutches as guns.
2. My boys referring to my cane as a "walking stick".
3. My wife helping me take a shower and setting the water to cold.
4. The X-ray lady at my 4 week appointment who asked if I needed help undressing and I replied, "of all the fantasies I had about a woman undressing me, this isn't it."
5. Being unable to get interested in reading for 2 months after the surgery and getting inspired by the Motley Crue biography The Dirt.
6. Getting the "pat down" at the airport because I couldn't walk through security.
7. My wife needing to help discard my liquid waste for the first 2 weeks.
8. Deciding it would be easier to stop at a coffee shop for my daily constitutional than crutch up the stairs to the bathroom at our old house
9. The looks on people face when I tell them I am in pain and if they wouldn't mind massaging my hip.
10. A coworker stealing one of my crutches on the day I was told I only needed one.

Worst Moments

1. When the ER nurse adjusted my bed incorrectly by moving it down below parallel.
2. The ambulance ride.
3. The fall.
4. The day I came home from the hospital.
5. When the nurse came over and tried to help give me a shower and I couldn't lift my leg over the tub.
6. Having to be driven to my mother-in-laws for 2 weeks to take a shower until we moved.
7. My 4 week visit with the surgeon who did nothing but scare me.
8. Seeing the stress the injury caused my wife.
9. My middle child refusing to ride his bike all summer.
10. Moving to a new house and not being able to help.

Best Moments

1. Getting meals from friends and family
2. A coworker picking me up at the airport and shuttling me around for the whole trip.
3. My oldest putting a pillow under my foot for the first weeks every time I sat down.
4. Being able to work from home and spend time with my oldest and my niece who was nannying for him.
5. Getting a neighbor who is a doctor.  And telling me to fire the first surgeon.
6. Getting a great Pilates instructor and massage therapist.
7. Learning how to recover and knowing I am strong enough to do it.
8. My nephew moving our entire garage in one afternoon with me.  I drove the car.  He moved the stuff.
9. Being cleared to drive.
10. Figuring out how to be on crutches and carry two six packs.

What I am Thankful For

1. The two random strangers who put a jacket over me and held another over me like an umbrella.
2. The other random stranger who drove my bike and 2 others 20 miles back to St Paul.
3. How my wife thought to tell the ambulance to take me to United Hospital.
4. My new surgeon.
5. My friends.
6. My wife.  It wasn't easy being a single mom for 10 weeks.
7. My kids.
8. Walking.
9. My job.  Because of its flexibility I was able to work from home during the entire recovery period.
10. Walking.  I know it is in here twice.  But I took it for granted.  I never will again.

I hope Letterman would be proud.  They aren't as funny as his but they are from the heart.

Thanks for reading...