Goal setting in adults is something I think is sorely lacking. So much so that I don't think we even know how to set quality, tangible goals for ourselves. We push our children to learn how skate all the way around the rink or catch 10 out of 10 passes or ride their bike all the way down the block or learn all their spelling words but we adults tend to just trudge through our lives with the hope that we are going to get better but never actually putting down something concrete. And, to be clear, these aren't resolutions. Resolutions are declarations or expressions. Resolutions fail because they really aren't anything you can measure. Goals succeed because they put a line in the sand and, if carried out correctly, bring us to a better place than before.
The hard truth is many of us adults never really plan for ourselves; year after year passes and we are still stuck in the same job, with the same routine, and carrying around the same 20 pounds we have been meaning to lose. Because as the saying goes, "Failing to plan is planning to fail."
I felt like I was doing exactly that until I recently signed up to do some online personal training with my favorite trainer Geoff Neupert. I was so excited to work with him that I felt like a kid on the Christmas morning the evening that my specialized program came.
Before he actually wrote up a program, however, he asked me a simple question: "What are your goals?"
To which I replied: "Get stronger."
And I seriously thought that was a good enough response. As someone is recovery, I figured that would suffice. But healing or "getting better" isn't really a goal. It is a desire but a goal is much more definitive and concrete. It is something like "the ability to walk up 3 flights of stairs without the use of a cane". And it is about doing some real self care and owning it.
I should have known better given all the talk of goal setting in the workplace but I guess I half expected Geoff to take what I had said and work his magic. But he didn't know how strong I was already nor did he know what I wanted to be stronger at/in/with. So he kept whittling away at me until we came up with 3 fairly solid strength goals that meet my particular needs. The difficult thing was, each time he asked a question of me I was forced to sit and really think about what I wanted. Because, I came to realize, there a millions ways to define "stronger" and stronger for me may not mean stronger to someone else. Forgive me, but I can be a bit dense at times.
In some ways it was very uncomfortable. It felt so nebulous - as if I was pulling something out of thin air. And perhaps that is why so many adults don't set goals. As kids many of our goals seem to be dictated for us. Learn to read. Learn to ride a bike. Learn to drive. As adults, however, we have already achieved most of those baseline goals and now it is about self actualization of who we are uniquely meant to be. And we don't do it because life seems to get in the way. Or we simply let life get in the way - because it is easier than thinking about who we want to be or what we really want out of life or what we want to improve about ourselves.
Even more to the point, I was recently sent a link to this article: "The Goal is to Keep the Goal" from All About Kettlebells. In it the author credits Geoff Neupert and another great trainer, Dan John, with the title of the article. Quite simply the message is to set a goal, get a program or method to get you to that goal, and stick with it. And it isn't always an easy process. But if you want to get somewhere other than where you are at, then you have to go through it.
Sometimes the goal setting process can be fun and exciting and even getting the plan can be straightforward. Sometimes the plan is fun and exciting because you get a new book or get to work with a great instructor or trainer. Then 2 months into it you get bored. You get distracted. You get antsy or depressed or sick. And then you can't keep the goal.
Well to that I say if the goal is worth achieving, then it is isn't going to entertain you or make you feel excited all the time. Sometimes it might be downright boring. Trainer Pavel Tsatsouline has been quoted as saying that lawyers are better than others at staying fit and getting strong because they can deal with boredom better than the rest of us. Now I don't know if that is true but the point is well taken. Keep the goal, stay the course during the ups and downs and you will achieve what you want to achieve. And don't' expect it to always be rosy. Expect that you will hate it sometimes. Expect that you will have drag yourself to the gym or curse the fact that you have to eat a salad instead of french fries or will have to practice yet another day. But you will thank yourself once you achieve the goal. And don't get too caught up with a bad day or bad week. Keep the long view.
I know staying inspired is not always easy but, over time, you have to find it somewhere. One of my favorite Nike commercials says, "Passion has a funny way of trumping logic." So, I take this to mean, if you have passion and enough wherewithal or simple motivation to keep the goal, you will get there. And while this is particularly true for us bruised and battered, it is also true for anyone who wants to improve themselves.
I encourage everyone to set goals and keep them. For me I have my recovery goals and I have other goals, including the success of this blog. I don't have a lot of readers right now but if I stick with it and set goals of getting 100, 200, 500, or 1,000 readers per post, I will get there and the blog will become what I want it to be. It may take a few months or a few years but as the article says "The Goal is to Keep the Goal".
To that end, the Nike commercial also says "...the odds may be stacked against you. Fair enough. But what the odds don't know is, this isn't a math test." Life is about producing actualities, not living out some sort of expert prediction. Keep striving as if you couldn't fail, as if success is guaranteed - even if logic, maybe even your own internal logic, says it isn't. And time will tell the tale.
So get a goal, any goal. No goal is too strange or unworthy, if you believe in it. For example, I read an article about a guy whose goal for 2013 was to do the Rubik's cube in under 10 minutes. Hey, it's not my thing but he is going to be a better person when he achieves it.
Therefore people, set those goals, they aren't just for kids anymore.
Thanks for reading...
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