I could keep going.
Maybe "Forgiving You Was Easy" by Willie Nelson. Perhaps "She's Already made Up Her Mind" by Lyle Lovett. There are lots of good ones. Too many good ones.
I am concerned how many I could rattle off. And come to think of it, I haven’t even had that many breakups.
I may sound mushy but a good breakup and the songs they create can teach us a lot about ourselves. There are some break up songs that extol a message of wishing to never have met the former mate, but many are simply sad renditions that it is over but don't regret the relationship. Even though it is over, it is still looked upon fondly. Those are the good songs. The bad songs, about anger and regret, are for the bitter and angry who never learn from relationships or any other life experience. Those are the ones who are bogged down by "baggage" and never grow.
Relationships - especially marriage, a wise person once said, are not about happiness. They are about growing up. And even the bad relationships, the weird ones, and the good ones at a bad time, help us grow up. They show us what is good about us and what is not so good about us. They give us a sense of love and care and demonstrate an interconnection between human beings. Quite simply, we learn who we are.
And most of life learning comes with a bit of pain and discomfort. Moreover, we human beings don't like to learn hard lessons. And as adults, I think, we often shy away from anything that could cause pain. Thus we get stuck in ruts and don't grow. To be clear, I am not suggesting to seek out pain but in order to live life to the fullest but you can't live in a bubble either. You have to take chances. In your life. In your career. In love.
There's another good song: "Take a Chance on Me" by ABBA.
And it is not just relationships. Many avoid risk in life. But even with avoidance, life will eventually catch up with us. Life hits us in the face and we don't know how to deal with it. Someone dies. You lose a job. Someone gets sick. Your body falls apart. Such is what happened to me when I fell to the ground on that ill-fated day on April of last year. It proved to be not such a good relationship. It was somewhat tragic with a hint of pain. And it took a while to get over. There were lots of chocolate and tissues and tears and feeling like no one will ever love me again. Kind of. In truth, it took a while to love myself again.
This love song - relationship theme may seem like a strange analogy. Yet I think relationships and other life events teach us and they teach us so significantly that we become so bonded to the event. A past love or injury impresses so much upon us that you can't imagine who you would be without it. Let me rephrase, they can teach you if you decide to learn from it. If you choose not to be taught, then you become one of the angry ones who listen to too much Alanis Morrisette. And then you have a bad hip and are angry, cranky, and cantankerous. Pretty bad combination. Sounds like a creepy neighbor with overgrown hedges.
It took a while, but over time I have come to embrace my injury. It has become so integrated into the fabric of who I am now. Yes, it has changed me physically but even more so emotionally and mentally. Now, 11 months after it occurred, I can't imagine who I would be today without the injury. There are many things I hate about the injury but it has given me way more than it has taken away. If it has taken away anything at all. It's not what it’s got, it is what it gives.
There we go again. "What You Give" by Telsa.
I admit on the surface that this may sound a bit morbid and I don't suggest anyone go injure themselves in order to find inner peace or happiness. But recovering from this injury has given me so much. Things have real meaning for me now. I know more than I did before. Most importantly, I now know the real meaning of time. I know that things in life take time; I know that 9 weeks is a long time to be on crutches. I know that recovery can't be measured in time. It takes whatever time it takes. And recovery, or any other unpredictable event, always takes longer than we think it should.
And that learning has given me patience. Not just the patience is a virtue, but true patience towards things I can't control or how I feel. I have learned that there are things I can't control and I can't beat myself up over those things. In turn, I think, I have become more kind. I hope I have become more kind to others but mostly I think I have become more kind to myself. I have become easier on myself and expect a little less where I should. And, on the other hand, expect a little more where I should.
Being a parent is one of those places where I expect more of myself now. I guess it took me a while to settle into my role as a parent. It is not that I didn't enjoy being a parent but in some ways I didn't see myself as a parent. I saw myself as I was before I had kids. This is what I wasn’t anymore.
And then having to live with being less of a parent physically, I came to realize that it is who I am now and it is a role, a trait, a way of self-visualization that I like, that I enjoy. I don't like it when I can't work from home and see my oldest when he walks home from school. I don't like it when I miss dinner with the family. I don't like it when I don’t get to help put the kids to bed. I don't like it when work controls my life more than my obligations as a parent. This job as parent, I have come to understand, is my life. It is the most important part of my life. And I love it.
In the end, though, I think the most important lesson I have learned is that of progress. Recovery from an injury takes consistent effort. It takes hard work. And the end comes when the end comes. To me, appreciating progress is the first step in understanding that life really is a journey. You really have never arrived. Despite of what movies and professional sports want to tell us there is not destination. Just progress. Just another journey. Another decision. Another fork in the road.
And we need to take it. As long as today was better than yesterday and this month is better than last, then you are okay. You stay consistent. You work hard. And you never give up. That's life. That's what I have learned.
And as Ronnie Milsap said:
I wouldn't have missed it for the world
Wouldn't have missed loving you girl
You've made my whole life worthwhile, with your smile
I wouldn't trade one memory
Cause you mean too much to me
I wouldn't trade one thing about my injury or recovery for millions. Some memories are good and some are bad. But now it means too much to me. And I am better for it.
Thanks for reading...
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